Posted on 06-28-17 11:04 am (rev. 1 by fried rice on 06-28-17 11:13 am)
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 12/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
I wake with the sight of Thomas the Tank engine at the foot of my bed. I welcome him to my home and offer him some water. He declines and says “Come with me to Sodor.” I come with to Sodor where I meet Sir Toptam hat. He tells me that Sodor is where I should live for the rest of my life. I said yes and came to the junction to get a house.

I wake up and realize that it was a dream, and wish I was back. My parents take me to therapy because I know I was there. I was told to forget Sodor and Thomas, but I can’t. I love Thomas and I want to live with him forever.

~~

In rap, people are constantly debating who the GOAT is. Let’s end this debate once and for all. It’s Jake Paul. There has never been a better rapper and there never will be a better rapper. An artist like Jake Paul only comes around once in a lifetime. Here are some reasons why: 1. He created an iconic dance move. Remember the Jake Paul dance? It was a groundbreaking cultural phenomenon that completely changed the universe as we know it. Everyone was doing it. White dads, The President, The Pope, and even Jesus. Unprecedented. 2. His lyrics are deep and poetic. In It's Every Day Bro, he says “it's selling like a god, church.” I looked up “God Church” on Urban Dictionary. The definition: “To be honest.... I dont fucking know. I think some stupid YouTube star named Logan or Jake Paul made a song with it in the lyrics?” I DARE you to tell me that that isn’t some of the most beautiful lyricism of all time. John Lennon can kiss my ass. 3. He had dozens of hits. Think about all the classic songs that Jake Paul gave us over these past few decades. It's Everyday Bro, Logang Sucks, Big Poppa, Lose Yourself, Hotel California, Stairway To Heaven, Smells Like Teen Spirit, Bohemian Rhapsody, Ambitionz az a Ridah. And that’s just last year. The list goes on and on. 4. He was the political voice of a generation. Who could forget Jake Paul’s powerful anthems protesting the Vietnam War? Or his scathing criticism of Reaganomics. Or his beautiful musical tribute to all the firefighters we lost during the events of 9/11. His sociological influence redefined celebrity activism as he actively shaped society as we know it. 5. He didn’t get murdered like a total pussy (like Biggy y Small have in common? Well, other than being two of the most hacky, mediocre rappers in history, they also both got shot and died like losers. Pathetic. 6. He killed Osama Bin Laden. The world was in awe back in 2011 when Jake went on a rogue solo mission, tracking down Bin Laden, raiding his crib, and shooting him dead like a dog in the street. In the end, terrorism never wins. 7. He cured cancer. Remember cancer? It was a disease that took billions and billions of lives, until 2014 when Jake Paul singlehandedly discovered the cure. Think of all the lives he’s saved. Incredible.
Posted on 06-28-17 11:04 am
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 13/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
What the frosted flakes did you just frootloop about me you little captain crunch? I’ll have you know I’m a part of a balanced breakfast and have under 300 confirmed calories per a serving. You are nothing to me. Just a generic brand. I will pour milk into my cereal at the perfect consistency for a television commercial, mark my words. You think you can get away with eating candy for breakfast? Think again reese’s puff cereal. As of right now I am going to my local grocery story store and purchasing boxes of cherrios so you better prepare for a cholesterol drop. The cholesterol drop that makes you bee happy and bee healthy. Your chances of having a heart attack have been lowered. You can eat cereal anytime, everyday and can buy over 700 different brands, and that’s just general mills cereal. Not only can I buy general mills cereal, a part of a balanced breakfast, but I also have access to all Kellogg’s brand cereal and will use it to its fullest extent to wipe your that miserable fat off the face of your diet. If only you could have known what holy benefits eating cereal every day would bring upon you, maybe you would have eaten it with your orange juice and toast. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price by dieting. I will send boxtops to all schools and they will drown in school supplies. You’rrrrrrrreee great, kiddo.
Posted on 06-28-17 11:05 am (rev. 1 by fried rice on 06-28-17 11:07 am)
Normal user

Posts: 7/7
Since: 06-28-17

Last post: 49 days
Last view: 49 days
When a girl gets a vibrator it's seen as a bit of naughty fun. But when I order a 240v Fuckmaster Pro 5000 blow-up latex doll with a six-speed pulsating vagina, elasticised anus with non-drip semen collection tray, together with an optional built in realistic orgasm scream surround sound system...I’m called a pervert.
Posted on 06-28-17 11:07 am
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 14/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
Life is like a cabbage: Sometimes it is green and crunchy, sometimes dad stabs the cat with a knife because his football team lose again

Life is like a cabbage: sometimes it is green and round, and sometimes mom wish you were never born

If you throw a cabbage in the air he will alway come right back down to you because he is lonely without you.

If there is a fire in your house make sure youto save all the cabbages before you even think about finding your children

A cabbage does not wear a watch but he always have time for you

Instead of drinking coffee in the morning try laying down with a cabbage on your stomach and yolifeu will be wide awake

If you push a cabbage under water he will alway float right back up to the top because he miss you so much

A cabbage does not have ears but that does not mean that he is immune to your lies

Some time you think about a cabbage and you get so excited that forget to go to sleep again for five days

Sometimes you hate your life and dont want to be alive anymore but then you think about cabbage and know that everything will be ok

You can paint a cabbage green but that is a waste of paint because he is already green

If you run out of pillows maybe try using a cabbage

You can tell a cabbage has gone bad if he is wearing a leather jacket

if you are sad put a cabbage in your backpack and carry him every where so it feel like you have a friend that want to spend time with you

A cabbage is so pretty but you are real ugly

You can ask a cabbage for financial advice but he will not say anything because he is a cabbage

You can put a cabbage on the hood of your car. People will not understand what you are doing but at least you are doing something

If you put plastic eyeballs on a cabbage and take him to the movies it might feel like you have a friend

Dr. Suess did not ever make a poem about cabbage And now he is dead

You can put a cabbage in a baby carriage and take him for a walk and people will say "who this" and you can say "he is my cabbaby"

If you want to trick your parents put a cabbage on your pillow at night and they will think you are sleeping but you are actually crying
Posted on 06-28-17 11:13 am (rev. 1 by fried rice on 06-28-17 11:13 am)
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 15/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
YOUNG THUG IS THE GREATEST MUSICIAN ALIVE. YOU COULD EVEN SAY HE'S THE FRANK ZAPPA OF OUR GENERATION. HE IS NOT JUST ANOTHER MANUFACTURED RAP STAR, HE IS A COMPLETE ARTIST. HE IS NOT SOMEONE THAT IS BEING CONTROLLED BY A RECORD LABEL. THUGGER IS SINGLEHANDEDLY ONE OF THE MOST INNOVATIVE AND UNIQUE RAP ARTISTS OF THIS DECADE. HE IS A MELODIC GENIUS, HIS BEATS ARE EXPERIMENTAL, INNOVATIVE, UNIQUE, HE ISN'T AFRAID TO EXPERIMENT, HE IS CONSTANTLY EVOLVING AND CHANGING HIS STYLE. YOUNG THUG, FROM THE BEGINNING, HAS ALWAYS PUSHED BOUNDARIES AND HAS CONTINUED TO MAKE PROGRESSIVE MUSIC THAT OTHERS COULD ONLY HOPE TO IMITATE. HIS VOICE IS AN INSTRUMENT. HE WANTS YOU TO LOOK BEYOND JUST THE LYRICS. THEY ARE THERE JUST TO COMPLEMENT THE MUSIC, THEY ARE AN APPLICATION OF THE VOICE AS AN INSTRUMENT RATHER THAN A MEDIUM FOR VERBAL COMMUNICATION AND STORYTELLING. HIS VOICE AND HIS SOUNDS ARE SOMETHING THAT NO ONE ELSE IS DOING. YOUNG THUG OBVIOUSLY ISN'T A KENDRICK/DRAKE TYPE OF RAPPER WITH OUTSTANDING RAPPING ABILITY BUT HE STILL MANAGES TO MAKE BETTER MUSIC THAN THEM. HIS MIXTAPE, BARTER 6, IS AN EXTREMELY INTROSPECTIVE AND PERSONAL RECORD. IT ALLOWS YOU TO BETTER UNDERSTAND THE PERSPECTIVE AND EMOTIONS OF JEFFREY LAMAR WILLIAMS. THE MIXTAPE HAS BECOME A BRIDGE FOR WHITE YOUTH TO ENJOY THE ART OF THE BLACK INNER CITY AND EMPATHIZE WITH THE LIKES OF THUGGER AND THAT IS WHAT IS SO WONDERFUL ABOUT ART. WE ARE ABLE TO SEE WHO HE REALLY IS AND UNDERSTAND HIM. THE INTRODUCTORY INTERVIEW AT THE FADER FORD SHOWS THAT HE IS A SURPRISINGLY SOFT-SPOKEN YOUNG MAN AND IT GIVES YOU ALL THE MORE REASON TO CARE ABOUT HIM. THERE WAS NO YOUNG THUG BEFORE YOUNG THUG. HE IS NOT EMULATING ANYONE, HE ISN'T TRYING TO BE ANYONE. HE HAS NO INFLUENCES. WHEN CHECK CAME OUT OF NOWHERE, EVERYONE LOVED IT BECAUSE NOTHING SOUNDED LIKE IT. HE HAS ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT HIS MUSIC IS GOING TO SOUND LIKE IN 5 YEARS? YOUNG THUG ISN'T A LYRICIST OR EVEN A RAPPER. HE TAPPED INTO HIS GOD CONSCIOUSNESS. THERE IS TWO METHODS OF LEARNING IN THE UNIVERSE. INTERNAL & EXTERNAL. LEARNING EXTERNALLY IS WHEN YOU HAVE A TEACHER TEACH YOU A SPECIFIC SUBJECT. THIS MODE OF LEARNING HAS IT'S LIMITS BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY GAIN KNOWLEDGE OFF THE EXTERNAL SOURCE YOU'RE LEARNING FROM. HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF WHO CREATED THE SUBJECTS YOU STUDY IN SCHOOL? WHO CREATED THE MUSIC & ARTS? DID THEY HAVE TO OBTAIN A DEGREE IN THAT PARTICULAR FIELD OF STUDY? THE ANSWER IS NO! THEY DEVELOPED THOSE SUBJECTS FROM THEIR INTERNAL INTUITION. WHAT I LIKE TO CALL GOD CONSCIOUSNESS. WHEN YOU TAP INTO THE INFINITE YOU CAN CREATE AND DEVELOP NEW FORMS OF THOUGHT, SPEECH, ANALYSIS, PHILOSOPHY. MANY OF OUR ANCESTORS WAS WELL AWARE OF THIS. IT'S WRITTEN IN THE METU NETER OF ANCIENT EGYPT. MANY OF YOU MAY CALL YOUNG THUG IGNORANT, VOID OF THOUGHT, GAY, BUT HE MANAGED TO CREATE A STYLE THAT HAS TRANSCENDED HIP HOP INTO A NEW FORM OF EVOLUTION LIKE IT OR NOT. YOUNG THUG IS IN TUNE WITH HIS GOD CONSCIOUSNESS.
Posted on 06-29-17 04:30 am
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 18/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
Hello, friends. I’m going to review a sex toy from my perspective as a gay bottom. Dildos have a wide ranging audience that includes people who don’t even use them for penetration, really, so my remarks may cover a limited scope for some viewers who are interested in learning about this product. I will attempt to address as many concerns that you may have as possible, but truly this is primarily for the gays.
Today I’m reviewing the Big Bad Wolf, a gigantic, squishy, knotted dildo with some unique features. In regard to volume, it’s the largest thing I’ve got in my collection so far, and it stands out in some other fantastic ways. It’s got a usable length of 11 inches or 28 centimeters. Its shaft is 2.6 inches or 6.7 centimeters in diameter, and it features a knot with an optional inflation capability that goes all the way up to 4 inches or 10 centimeters in diameter.
The Big Bad Wolf comes from Primal Hardwere, a lesser known, smaller toy company that makes some extreme toys. Beyond a selection of exclusively large dildos, some of which have wearable options for guys who want to feel bigger or just different, they also carry some gear for BDSM action and some particularly curious devices called ovipositors.
Because of its optional features, the Big Bad Wolf ranges in price from $160 to $220. My particular configuration would have cost $200. However, because I offered to review this monstrosity, I received mine at a discount for $100 instead.
This dildo is my sole experience with their catalogue, but as I understand it, it’s unique both to that catalogue and nearly to the whole wide world of fantasy dicks. All their other dildos seem comparable in engineering to those of companies like Bad Dragon and Exotic Erotics: they’re made of nice, high quality silicone that comes in a variety of colors and three firmness options. The Big Bad Wolf is more than a little different.
This one has no firmness option, as well as more limited color options, because it’s made with different layers of silicone in different firmnesses. This is similar to the dual firmness design that I mentioned in my review of the Tantus Uncuts, but in this case it’s actually comfortable. The core of the shaft is strong but springy, while the outer layer is nice and squishy, and together they create a more flesh-like feeling than any other silicone toy I’ve ever felt. This sort of material is definitely some of the best there is.
The Big Bad Wolf does come with two optional features: the cumtube and inflation. The cumtube is likely familiar to you if you know about Bad Dragon. It’s a tube with one end that forms a urethra through the toy and another that attaches to a syringe that you can fill with lube. It’s good both for simulating orgasm and for applying extra lube on the inside. I didn’t get this option, but my dildo still came with a small hole where the actual urethra would have been. I’m not too sure why it’s there, but it provides just a bit of an extra hassle when cleaning things up.
The other feature, inflation, simulates the muscular action of a real dog dick. As it cums, a bulb at the base of the shaft, known as the knot, grows and locks in place. Most dog dildos I’ve seen have just featured a solid knot that you would have to lower yourself down upon. The Big Bad Wolf, on the other hand, lets you practice on a more compact knot that you can then inflate once it’s all the way in. Without the optional inflation system, the dildo seems to come with a sort of middle ground, meaning that it’s partially inflated, so the knot is still there, but not as huge a challenge to fit in as it would be if it were solid.
Before I continue about matters regarding the knot, I have to reiterate that despite the size of this thing, its material is just the gentlest, most comfortable silicone that I’ve ever felt in a dildo. It’s soft enough that it compresses a good deal as it goes deeper inside of me. It still requires a fuckton of practice, but it is much friendlier on my ass than anything else around its size. I suppose that where other giant silicone cocks push, it nudges. When I get down to the knot, I can definitely feel an increase in girth, but with enough determination and practice, it gets through relatively comfortably.
Then, the inflation itself happens. It’s a mind blowing experience, because it keeps me at my lengthwise limit and then starts expanding right at my entrance, the tightest part of my ass, showing only as much mercy as I let it. The actual feeling of the expansion is primarily this gradually more and more powerful stretching, which I don’t find particularly sexually pleasing on its own, but by this point in my experiences it’s not downright painful either. But then, the way it locks the entirety of this monster dick inside me in overwhelming afterglow is enough to take my breath away.
My only major issue with this dildo is that the material at its base is too flimsy. Now, please don’t misinterpret that to mean that it’s weak enough that the knot could pop or tear open. This is very nice, flexible silicone, after all, so it’s not going to suffer any damage like that as long as you don’t pump it far beyond its limit or try to circumcise it. What I mean is that the base is small, and the small length of shaft between the base and the knot is thinner than everything else too. This makes it very difficult to stand it upright, which is kind of unfortunate because squatting is the easiest way for me to take something this big when I’m by myself. If it doesn’t fall over entirely, it tends to just bend at that small length of shaft right above the base. I would have appreciated a larger base with a suction cup, or a denser silicone applied to the base area, if possible. Now if you’re like me, and you have enough experience to fit something like the Big Bad Wolf inside you at all, you’ll probably be willing to work with it regardless, but I still think that part of its design could be improved.
I want to say that I cannot recommend this enough, but as a consequence of its size, I think I actually can. The way it’s put together makes the Big Bad Wolf stand out above pretty much everything else there is, and I absolutely recommend it to anyone who can take something so big. But the fact that it’s so big with nothing else quite like it is strange for me to comprehend. It has exactly the kind of material that I would recommend to a beginner, but for obvious reasons, this is not a toy for beginners.
But the fact that there’s no smaller version of this really doesn’t get in the way of my opinion that it’s an amazing dong, and indeed it also helps the case that it’s a very unique dong. The Big Bad Wolf is easily the most fun I’ve had while trying to get a giant cock to fit inside me, and I hope to see more dildos of all shapes and sizes made with such excellent material and loving care in the future.
Posted on 07-01-17 06:05 am
Beaner Producer


Posts: 3/7
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 46 days
Last view: 46 days
this is gay
Posted on 07-01-17 06:07 am
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 19/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
fuck you
Posted on 07-01-17 06:07 am
Beaner Producer


Posts: 4/7
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 46 days
Last view: 46 days
GGAAAAAAYYYYYYY
44444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444g4y
Posted on 07-01-17 06:09 am, deleted by fried rice
  • #31
Posted on 07-01-17 08:14 pm
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 41/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
I have a story to share, about the Zollo Ranch. The dimensions of my asshole measure very different after the day this was photographed. My butthole remains still in constant pain every single lingering hour and I want to prevent other people from falling into the Zollo Trap, like I foolishly did. I can still remember his tall, bread-loaf hair towering over me in the bathroom stall. He pushed me against the wall and unzipped his pants, saying "This is way better than Tomasetti's room, right?". I was about to retort, but then, out of nowhere, his throbbing 14" erection sprung out of his Twenty One Pilots undies. It was at that moment that I knew I had made a big mistake using a school toilet. Brody forced me onto my hands and knees (still holding his cock) and attempted to stuff it all in my rectum. His penis was dry as a bone and couldn't fit so he tried another time. This time it worked! It slowly slid through my anus, tearing every thread of my ass until I bled. The Zollo didn't care though, he only thought of it as a good lube to use. He then started the pumping. Oh, that awful pumping that made a squishy sound that has burrowed into my brain. I was lucky though because it only lasted five minutes before he finished in the toilet. And ever since that day my butthole has remained in constant pain every single lingering hour and I want to prevent other people from falling into this Zollo Trap, like I foolishly did. Since that moment, I've had plenty of time to think and reflect on how he planned out his meticulous attack. It all makes sense how he would occasionally give me looks or tightly grab on my shoulder. It all led up to this moment. He's a mastermind really. Taking little small steps that would seem meaningless to a normal person and using them to his advantage. He makes you think he's your friend but what you really are is an animal on his ranch. An object that grows up eating grass and loving life until the fateful day you're killed (or in his case raped). Just remember to always keep a watchful eye folks as to not to be herded into the Zollo Ranch.
Posted on 07-01-17 08:14 pm
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 42/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
It was just like any other Ryton Saturday. Clayton sat in a chair a few feet from his camera, filming a vlog to upload on YouTube. He spoke with emotion and passion, emphasising every word he said with utmost enthusiasm. A bright smile stretched across his face as he concluded the video. “Remember to like and subscribe!” he said. He finished recording and immediately put on his shoes. It was that time of the week to see Ryan. He barged through the door after the video was finished to check up on him. “How do you think the video went?” Ryan asked. “Oh, it was just great,” Clayton says. “I thought coming out as gay would've been way harder than that.” Ryan then gave his friend a smirk and said, “That's not the only thing that's hard. How about we put those cameras to real use.” Clayton stared into Ryan's eyes and bit his lip. It was clear that he wanted him. A grin covered Clayton’s face. Ryan opened up his backpack and out came a NERF N-Strike Longstrike CS-6 Dart Blaster in all its glory. How Ryan ever managed to fit the whole thing in there is a mystery. It was so big but Clayton knew exactly what to do. He pulled down his pants, bent over the bed and spread his buttcheeks. “Shoot me up Rybae!”, he screams. Ryan loaded up the gun with as much ammo as possible, shoved it a foot up Clayton’s anus and pulled the trigger. He let out a cumthirsty screech. It was so pleasurable. But someone heard that screech from miles away. Someone who had the best cummies anywhere. They ran and ran, searching for the source of the orgasmic echos. Until they came into the room the Ryton Studios were making love in, caught red handed. In came Brody Zollo! He could smell the cum miles away from his ranch and wanted a taste. He pulls his enormous 14” cock out from his well worn, crusty Twenty One Pilots undies and furiously masturbates with the force of a thousand suns until sparks fly. After fifteen seconds, the Zollo nuts the biggest nut recorded in the history of mankind. Splooge fills Clayton’s house, and floods the streets. Brody dies from the nut, from all the blood leaving his brain and all flowing into his cock, he could not take the pressure. Clayton and Ryan held onto each other tightly, with Ryan’s arms around Clayton’s shoulders, with his penis inside of Clayton’s butthole. A river of semen flowed down Prune Hill, Clayton and Ryan floating through it as ride through the rivers and going down slopes like Splash Mountain. They kept floating through the rivers of splooge until they washed up at Camas High School. Ryan disconnected his penis from Clayton’s asshole and looked up at the beautiful structure. The lights were off in the school, and the building was seemingly empty. But they noticed a door open for them. Clayton and Ryan stepped into the dark school, holding hands as they walked in. They were naked, but were very warm from the hot, steaming cum that they were just swimming in. As they stood together in the commons, they took a look around. It was a soothing change of scenery. Until the door behind them shut. They were now locked in Camas High School, trapped inside the palace… of the Papermakers. The two walked to the student store (still holding hands), in search of food. They had run out of cum. Clayton and Ryan, they had a thirst. An undying hunger for cum. But their ballsacks ran dry of semen. It was all let loose previously. They inspected the student store. It was dark, and they searched for any food they could find. Until Clayton found the Joe-Yo machine. He wrapped arms around it and was about to let the Joe-Yo loose from the machine. He thirsted for the Joe-Yo. Ryan quickly stopped him. “Clayton! You can’t eat that!” Ryan exclaimed. “Why not?” Clayton questions, putting his hands on his hips and entering a striking feminine pose. “Clayton… it’s too late.” “What do you mean? I mean, it’s not that late, it’s only like, 7:30…” “No, Clayton, turn around! Look behind you!” “Ok, oh my god,” Clayton says. He turns around, and there he is. Joe Papermaker, with his hands on his hips, his lips puckered, and his eyes focusing directly into Clayton’s. Ryan runs. “You think you could escape me, Clayton, but I am eternal. I am Joe Papermaker.” Clayton has a flashback to his youth. Twas the night before Christmas. But then, he had been raped by Joe Papermaker in the flesh that night. He was only but a young child. He remembered it now. He remembers the experience as if it happened just yesterday. But since then it has been burned into his memory, the smell, the taste of the Joe-Yo. He couldn’t quench his thirst. Clayton stared back into Joe Papermaker’s eyes. “Give me the Joe-Yo surprise, I need it, daddy. Just give it to me.” he said. Joe Papermaker looked back at him. He began to reach his arms out, until suddenly…
Posted on 07-01-17 08:15 pm
somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me, i ain't the sharpest tool in the shed


Posts: 44/45
Since: 06-19-17

Last post: 31 days
Last view: 4 days
ugly dumb ugly easter eggs that the 2 year old paints fuck you guyd and you also were forgotten to boil so when the kids crush you you went splat